My scar makes me cry...

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My scar makes me cry...

by Myrna
(Lakewood NJ)

5 months after surgery

How do I feel about my scar?

I had a double bypass open heart surgery 5 months ago... I feel soooo sad and stress about it... I want to cry or I sometimes do cry when I'm in the shower or try to wear a shirt and can't wear it cause it shows...

And watching my friends at the pool wearing bathing suits and I'm on a side sitting on a chair watching them... and me wearing a t-shirt and shorts... I feel out of the group... just don't want to be there... I wish I could remove my scar...

I'm soooooo very stressssssssss about it. :-(

Myrna 45
in Lakewood NJ

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My scar makes me cry...

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your's looks way better than mine!
by: Anonymous

I had the same surgery as you did 5 months ago ... mine looks so much worse than yours as mine is still raised, purple and red. Yours looks wonderful and is healing nicely. Be thankful for that and be thankful you are alive.

I'm 17 and recently had a heart surgery + my friend (18) has had 5 and wasn't expected to live past 5years old
by: Denise

Mam, I'm 17 I had a heart surgery on July 21. My family and I missed the flight to our 8 day Hawaii trip because I was hospitalized... And I'm sorry to say this but hearing what you had to say disturbed me.

To start off thank God for letting you live! You should be thankful for that. I definately am, I could have died from what I had. I had a very rare (especially for my age) non-cancerous tumor called atrial myxoma in my left artrium, it was about 2 inches big. When I got there they were surprised that nothing big had happened to me. And before my heart surgery I was suffering from really bad pain. I couldn't even walk beacause it hurt like heck to even stand. I was a really athletic person but my pains were triggered by pressure, so I couldn't run, jump,etc... but thank God, because now I'm back to normal and almost done recovering!

Don't be ashamed of your scar, I'm not going to be. When it's alright for me too, I'm still going to wear tank tops, a cute bathing suit, dresses, ect. Even for my senior picture which is in 2 days I'm going to wear a beautiful dress that I'd wear with or without my scar. And people from my class will see my picture in the future and I don't care what they think. Because I am not less beautiful with my scar and this scar is a reminder to me that God gave me a second chance to live and I'm so thankful for that. So you don't be ashamed of your scar, you're not less beautiful.

And you know, I also have a friend I grew up with she's 18 and she's had 5 open heart surgerys and a liver or lung(don't know which one)removed so it's harder for her to breathe, she wasn't even suppose to live this long because of her heart problem. But I'm so glad she is, she's one of my best friends so it'd hurt to lose her. And she's not ashamed of her scars(she has a lot) either.

So I hope you read my message and it inspired you to not be ashamed of your scar. And you know, eventually you can wear what you use to wear you just need to use sunblock, that's what I'm going to do. And on occasions you can cover it with makeup. =]

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Submitted by: Denise

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Mam, I'm 17 I had a heart surgery on July 21. My family and I missed the flight to our 8 day Hawaii trip because I was hospitalized... And I'm sorry to say this but hearing what you had to say disturbed me. To start off thank God for letting you live! You should be thankful for that. I definately am, I could have died from what I had. I had a very rare (especially for my age) non-cancerous tumor called atrial myxoma in my left artrium, it was about 2 inches big. When I got there they were surprised that nothing big had happened to me. And before my heart surgery I was suffering from really bad pain. I couldn't even walk beacause it hurt like heck to even stand. I was a really athletic person but my pains were triggered by pressure, so I couldn't run, jump,etc... but thank God, because now I'm back to normal and almost done recovering! Don't be ashamed of your scar, I'm not going to be. When it's alright for me too, I'm still going to wear tank tops, a cute bathing suit, dresses, ect. Even for my senior picture which is in 2 days I'm going to wear a beautiful dress that I'd wear with or without my scar. And people from my class will see my picture in the future and I don't care what they think. Because I am not less beautiful with my scar and this scar is a reminder to me that God gave me a second chance to live and I'm so thankful for that. So you don't be ashamed of your scar, you're not less beautiful. And you know, I also have a friend I grew up with she's 18 and she's had 5 open heart surgerys and a liver or lung(don't know which one)removed so it's harder for her to breathe, she wasn't even suppose to live this long because of her heart problem. But I'm so glad she is, she's one of my best friends so it'd hurt to lose her. And she's not ashamed of her scars(she has a lot) either. So I hope you read my message and it inspired you to not be ashamed of your scar. And you know, eventually you can wear what you use to wear you just need to use sunblock, that's what I'm going to do. And on occasions you can cover it with makeup. =]

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by: Anonymous

grow up mahn, i got the scar down my whole chest. have done since i was 4 years old.
its just a scar. dosn't make you any different, you just gotta live with it. i went through primery school getting laughed at cozz of it. you dont look that young to me :/ Ohh and i gotta have another opperation in the same place.making an even bigger scar. i aint posted a picture on the internet looking for simpathy, grr people like you make me mad.
get help.

My Scar
by: Stephanie

I understand how you feel. I actually have a scar there also. I cry every time i go shopping because whenever i look at girls getting low cut shirts i always wish i could do that to. I also look at pretty shirts and they are always low and i never get to buy them. My Scar had changed my life it was my asthemia gravis. I know it saved my life and i shouldn't be ashamed of that, but it still makes me cry.When i wear low cut shirts i wear necklaces. So that's how i also feel about my scar and how i know how you feel.

Hope this helps
by: Anonymous

For the rest of us who don't like our scar there is a makeup called Dermablend that is made for people with scars, stretch marks, birth marks and so on. It covers so well you could cover up tattoos with it. Also it is waterproof so you can wear it to the beach. It looks like your scar is healing well remember to apply SPF to prevent it from further damage.

Best wishes.

I understand
by: Bryan B.

I completely understand. I had problems with my scars when I was a child. See I had heart surgery at age 2. I can just tell you the scar will slowly disappear with time and that there are products that help in making the scars less noticeable.

You also might want to sit down and think is what is making you cry the scar or perhaps what you went through that gave you that scar? It can be quite traumatic and upsetting and the scar could just be what is reminding you of it.

Scar makes U cry
by: Ernie

Come on! enough is enough..you are beautiful woman..get the suntan and it will be less noticeable. And what the heck, you are ALIVE! I don't care about my scar..please do the same. 53 yr old male that had bypass surgery 10 weeks ago..on 2/2/2010 and heart attack on 9/1/2009... still alive and kicking.

my scar
by: michelle

I had heart surgery back in July, I felt the same way you do for a long time. Now i don't mind showing my scar, actually i feel kinda proud of it, ya know, like hey I made it through all that crap and here's the proof.

Being Proud of having a scar
by: Anonymous

Am sorry, but you should be proud of your scar. If that scar wasn't there then you may be dead (harsh but true).

No one should feel ashamed of their scar.

Yes, it takes a while to get used to it but then again I've had 37 years to get used to mine: I was born with a heart defect. I love flaunting my scar, I love showing it off as well as the many other scars I have from my heart operation.

I flaunt it as much as possible just to make the people who stare uncomfortable. I know they are staring but it is them who has the problem with the scar not me.

I have a great set of breasts too, which I show off :)I have had a lot of teenagers, adults come to me through congenital heart defects who were ashamed of their scars and I said if that scar was not there would you right now be talking to me. That scar is there to say hey look at me, I got a chance of a second life.

If I had no scar I would be dead and so would a lot of other people.

Be proud of your scar - it's there because it saved your life.

I am sorry if I have come across badly but believe me you will get kind people asking what is that scar from because they are interesting in knowing. You will meet a lot of people through your scar.

Be proud of your scar.

My Opinion.
by: Anonymous

WOw. I am 17 years old and a girl. I had open heart surgery 2 years ago. I don't care about my scar and neither should you. It doesn't matter. It's kind of pathetic that you care that much about it. I wear v-necks and low tops a lot. No one cares that much about it.

The Scar Fades
by: Anonymous

I had a quad bypass in 2001 and the scar has faded and is now the color of the skin surrounding it. There is a guy at my gym who noticed mine and told me had had one too but his scar is completely gone, so you might be lucky like him.

My scar bothers me some times but hey I get flirted with a lot so I guess it's worse to me than to others so just remember, we are all alive thanks to the operation that left the scar.

Note: two months after I had my quad bypass I went to a baseball game and saw Darryl Kile play. He died the next weekend from a 90% blockage of his arteries (which is what I had plus two more blockages). He was 34. I'd rather have the scar and I bet if he had known of the heart trouble (it appears he did not), I bet he and his loved ones would prefer the scar too.

i know the feeling
by: Anonymous

I know the feeling, i have had two open heart surgery's and two other ones on my heart, that left two huge scars on my back, that looks like i had wings that were cut off (one of my friends said it's like i use to be an angel). I use to cry about this all the time.

i had my first three surgery in my first three years of life and i used to be proud when i was little, and flash people and tell them i had a broken heart. Now that I'm 19 i advisory don't do that, and having a "broken heart" isn't cute any more, i have felt embarrassment, and have gotten really sad because of it.

i had my last surgery when i was about to be 16 and the scar is a keloid, it grew so much bigger then the last ones, and its almost a purple color.

With my condition every ten years i need to get my valve and conduit replaced, so i will constantly have a new scar. i feel so out of place with my friends who are all very pretty girls, and i absolutely hate pools or beaches,but i keep going because i don't want to be left out, even tho i still feel awkward around them. i know my scar is the first thing people look at. most , if not all had my friends have said that to me at some point or another. i had had boyfriends tell me id look better without it, i have had people tell me i couldn't work at certain jobs because of it.

But in the end, i love who i am, i love that i have an extra scanner of peoples personalities that other people don't have, i think it is ridiculous for someone to judge anyone because of the way skin tissue heels when someone had a life saving surgery. i know how you feel, but to the people who count in your life, the ones that mean anything, they will think the same way!

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I know the feeling, i have had two open heart surgery's and two other ones on my heart, that left two huge scars on my back, that looks like i had wings that were cut off (one of my friends said it's like i use to be an angel). I use to cry about this all the time. i had my first three surgery in my first three years of life and i used to be proud when i was little, and flash people and tell them i had a broken heart. Now that I'm 19 i advisory don't do that, and having a "broken heart" isn't cute any more, i have felt embarrassment, and have gotten really sad because of it. i had my last surgery when i was about to be 16 and the scar is a keloid, it grew so much bigger then the last ones, and its almost a purple color. With my condition every ten years i need to get my valve and conduit replaced, so i will constantly have a new scar. i feel so out of place with my friends who are all very pretty girls, and i absolutely hate pools or beaches,but i keep going because i don't want to be left out, even tho i still feel awkward around them. i know my scar is the first thing people look at. most , if not all had my friends have said that to me at some point or another. i had had boyfriends tell me id look better without it, i have had people tell me i couldn't work at certain jobs because of it. But in the end, i love who i am, i love that i have an extra scanner of peoples personalities that other people don't have, i think it is ridiculous for someone to judge anyone because of the way skin tissue heels when someone had a life saving surgery. i know how you feel, but to the people who count in your life, the ones that mean anything, they will think the same way!

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I know exactly what u're talking about
by: Anonymous

I got the same scar since i was 15. It made me cry for so long. i always hoped that i would wake up one day and find it gone but i guess it's not happening. at the end, i lost hope. I just hide it.

Career
by: Anonymous

That depends on the career you want to have, of course but I am over 50, have been unemployed for a year and had my heart surgery during that time. I work in IT and I thought that I would have great difficulty getting back into work. However, I have just been offered and accepted a much better job than I was made redundant from a year ago. It almost just seems that it was meant to be.

If you have the surgery you will be in a much better position to get the career you want. When you are 15 it is difficult to appreciate time and that you really have to give yourself time to have the surgery and get better. Life will go on around you but in a few years you will look back and realise that in a lifetime this is not long and you will be able to pick up your life and make the very best of it.

As for the scar - I don't know what to say - you may be lucky and have a scar that heals really well. If not, you may be able to get a revision. You should talk about it to your doctors, I was too embarrased to mention it initially as I felt I was being vain until I realised that I was not alone in how I felt and I should be past worrying about it at my age - you are young.

Whatever else happens - you will come out of this much stronger as a person and able to cope better with whatever comes to you in life. Any man who really loves you will not mind the scar.

I wish you all the best.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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That depends on the career you want to have, of course but I am over 50, have been unemployed for a year and had my heart surgery during that time. I work in IT and I thought that I would have great difficulty getting back into work. However, I have just been offered and accepted a much better job than I was made redundant from a year ago. It almost just seems that it was meant to be. If you have the surgery you will be in a much better position to get the career you want. When you are 15 it is difficult to appreciate time and that you really have to give yourself time to have the surgery and get better. Life will go on around you but in a few years you will look back and realise that in a lifetime this is not long and you will be able to pick up your life and make the very best of it. As for the scar - I don't know what to say - you may be lucky and have a scar that heals really well. If not, you may be able to get a revision. You should talk about it to your doctors, I was too embarrased to mention it initially as I felt I was being vain until I realised that I was not alone in how I felt and I should be past worrying about it at my age - you are young. Whatever else happens - you will come out of this much stronger as a person and able to cope better with whatever comes to you in life. Any man who really loves you will not mind the scar. I wish you all the best.

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You look great to me!
by: Anonymous

First off I am 29 year old man and you look great to me, looking at the picture, I notice the scar, but, it does not take way from your beauty. Besides you have other nice qualities around that area, a lot of woman would love to have your boobs woman! Take care!

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by: Anonymous

I'm fifteen and I'm about to have Aortic route surgery. I am petrified about having a scar, at only fifteen I feel that I will be judged harder and not be able to do the career I want.

NOT superficial
by: Anonymous

I too had a double bypass 4 months ago only slightly older than you at 53. The scar is only part of what bothers me - mine looks worse than yours - redder and more raised. I too feel isolated - bypass in females our age is unusual - I have to overcome the feeling that I am in the wrong place twice a week when I go to rehab - full of older men- and I'm MUCH fitter than any of them. This makes me feel uncomfortable. My husband tells me to wear it as a badge of pride as well but unless you have it you DO NOT know how it feels. It adds to that feeling of isolation and I can fully understand how you feel. I am really surprised at how upset I am about it as it should be something superficial. What I am trying to say is that it is just part of that overall feeling that there is something odd about you because you have had to have this surgery.

I just keep telling myself that these feelings will subside as I get fitter and get back to a normal life - I was made redundant from work 3 months before I discovered I needed this surgery and am still unemployed - too much time to think - but I've always been determined not to give in to feeling sorry for myself as I have been given a second chance and do feel better than I did before the surgery.

My feelings, and I'm sure yours, are complex - please don't anybody say it is superficial - anything to do with heart surgery is not superficial.

I wish you all the best - the scars - mental and physical will fade.

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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I too had a double bypass 4 months ago only slightly older than you at 53. The scar is only part of what bothers me - mine looks worse than yours - redder and more raised. I too feel isolated - bypass in females our age is unusual - I have to overcome the feeling that I am in the wrong place twice a week when I go to rehab - full of older men- and I'm MUCH fitter than any of them. This makes me feel uncomfortable. My husband tells me to wear it as a badge of pride as well but unless you have it you DO NOT know how it feels. It adds to that feeling of isolation and I can fully understand how you feel. I am really surprised at how upset I am about it as it should be something superficial. What I am trying to say is that it is just part of that overall feeling that there is something odd about you because you have had to have this surgery. I just keep telling myself that these feelings will subside as I get fitter and get back to a normal life - I was made redundant from work 3 months before I discovered I needed this surgery and am still unemployed - too much time to think - but I've always been determined not to give in to feeling sorry for myself as I have been given a second chance and do feel better than I did before the surgery. My feelings, and I'm sure yours, are complex - please don't anybody say it is superficial - anything to do with heart surgery is not superficial. I wish you all the best - the scars - mental and physical will fade.

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Scared but Optimistic
by: Brian

Hello Myrna,

I just found out that I have to have Aortic Valve replacement and I too feared the scar. I am 37 years old and already suffer low self esteem, but everyone tells me that this is your battle scar, this is your story, this is your second chance at life. The people who love and care about you do not care that you have a scar. Those strangers on the street may look but remember, you are here because you were given a new life. You were given the chance to stay here with those you love. I think your scar is beautiful. And I am glad there are others out there that felt the way I do right now. I will soon have my own battle scar and I am hoping mine looks as great as yours after only 5 months.

Brian 37
Seattle, WA

Alive
by: patti

A scar makes you cry? Come on; a scar is so superficial! Like what colour of lipstick do I want to wear tonight. Be brave, bold, and go out there and tell the world that you have conquered this event in your life and you are still alive! Wear that scar as a badge of courage and honour not something to cover up. Hey...it could be a great conversation piece!...good luck.

I know how you feel
by: jeny

I had open heart surgery on June 1 2008 I am 25 years old now. I had an atrial septal defect and the hole was too big for the non-invasive catheterization procedure.

Now when I first got out of surgery, the scar was a thin line... now it is just so big and ugly and makes me cry too. It is hard being a woman with a scar like this. It is so superficial but it still effects me when I go to the beach... wear certain tops and try to be sexy for my husband. I usually put makeup over it... but it is still obvious.

BTW your scar is really nice... it is barely noticeable!

Don't ever let your scar upset you.
by: Joey

I was 3 when I had open heart surgery at the Hospital for Sick Children, in Toronto, and I have never been ashamed of my scar. In fact, I'm glad its still here after 14 years. My scar is a reminder of the determination, hope, perseverance, and strength that makes the human race so incredible. That we are capable of fixing these types of problems is truly inspiring, and the scars you and I wear are proof that these problems CAN be fixed and will NOT constrain our freedom in ANY way, whether it be it the freedom to try on that beautiful necklace in the jewelry store or the freedom to put on a bathing suit and have some fun at the pool with your friends.

Embrace your scar. Embrace yourself. Be free.

A reminder that you're alive !
by: Tony

I had surgery 4 months ago (May 2009). At first
I was negative about it, now I show it off. You're a
survivor and an angel, your scar tells a story. Maybe you have a message for people. Most people have one chance, we have 2 chances lucky.

re: scar
by: susan

Hello Myrna!

Your scar is your badge of survival! My scar on my chest and my left arm(radial artery was harvested for one of my grafts, I had 4 bypasses) used to bother me so much for the first six months and even had revision done to them. After my open heart surgery, my chest and my arm were healing fine until a few months after that they went hypertrophic. Similar to kelloid but not as bumpy. When I went for plastic surgery I had high hopes and then after the revision my scars went back to how it was before. My plastic surgeon said it is the way I heal. So after that, I just accepted it. I healed better physically and psychology.

That is all I can say! I feel normal as anybody else. What is important is that you and I are alive and be with our love ones.

Your scar is your badge of honor
by: Sandra

Hi Myrna,

For five months in, I think your scar, judging by the photo, looks really minimal.

I don't have a scar, although I face having one in the future as I am going to have my aortic valve replaced.

I can tell you I've thought a lot about it and I found some comfort in Kathy Kastan's book From the Heart where she has a photo of her own scar. She sees it as her badge of honor.

My mother had a scar that was pretty angry looking at first but over the years it faded so much I don't recall noticing it at all.

The truth is you are alive and you are beautiful. The important thing is you are here today and you have a second chance at life. Over time your scar (and your reaction to it) will fade away. It will become fainter and fainter.

You are still in the early days...Wanda offers some great advice. Keep in touch. We care.

Your scar will fade - don't let it keep you down
by: Wanda

I understand about your scar - I had double bypass 8 months ago and have the same scar. The top part is fading well now, along with the scars from the chest tubes, though they're still noticeable on my fair skin. The bottom part is thicker and will take a long time to fade completely . My husband says I should be proud of my "battle scars" because they're the reason I'm still here to live a good life with him.

I wear a swimsuit, but I found a beautiful high-necked one that protects the sensitive area from too much sun when I swim or kayak. Maybe you could try that - many places sell them. I wear tank tops and scoop neck tees - if anyone notices the scar, they don't mention it.

The most important thing is to concentrate on getting healthy. If you're crying over your scar and feeling depressed a lot, you should consult your doctors -- you may be depressed or you may be having side effects from medications. Depression can get in the way of recovery - it saps your strength and will to do healthy things. Please don't let it win. Reach out to friends, exercise and eat right. Try to focus on the joy in life rather than the bypass scar. You are much more than your scar!

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My scar makes me cry...

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My scar makes me cry...